Since I’m re-watching Stargate SG1, I remembered this gem I put together years ago, found it in my archives. Mind you, this was written before the whole Ori arc, and it wasn’t written in one sitting, so it’s likely stuff is missing and some stuff sounds similar. If you got any more suggestions to add to the list, leave a comment.
You Know You’re Watching Too Much Stargate SG1 When…
…you say “Kree!” when you’re angry/demanding attention.
…you download every episode before it airs on your local TV station.
…your brain is so full of SG-1 stuff you can’t come up with good things for this list.
…you start a thread about this on message boards.
…you try out a taser to see whether someone who gets shot 3 times will disintegrate
…you use ‘O’Neillisms’ in every day speech…
…you complain when people don’t understand your O’Neillisms.
…you try to explain what an O’Neillism is.
…you’re afraid to go to sleep because you think a Goa’uld will take over your body despite the fact that you haven’t slept in weeks
…you start talking in clichés and say “cliché” when someone else uses one.
…you spend over 200 logged hours on making a Stargate model and then realise you could’ve done it in 10!
…you try to learn spoken Ancient Egyptian
…your eyes flash every time you get angry
…you speak in a boom box voice just to freak people out
…you call yourself some Ancient Egyptian God’s name
…you pretend you have a Goa’uld inside and act like you’re talking either as yourself or as the Goa’uld
…you pretend you have a Goa’uld inside and act like you’re talking either as yourself or as the Goa’uld and people actually believe you
…you raise your hand and pretend you’re wearing a Hand Device and try to blast someone across the room.
…you raise your hand and pretend you’re wearing a Hand Device and try to blast someone across the room and you SUCCEED.
…any random stick is actually a staff weapon
…you legally change your name to ‘Teal’c’
…every time you get hurt, you wave it off and say “my symbiote will heal me”
…you are a walking Stargate database
…you are a walking Stargate database and you haven’t seen every episode
…you try to get inside Cheyenne Mountain
…you try to get inside Cheyenne Mountain and SUCCEED
…all your essays in school/college are about Stargate and anything Stargate related
…you know every episode by heart
…your dream date is to spend an evening with your loved one watching Stargate SG1 on DVDs. (hey it’s cheap and effective)
…you yell “Chevron 1 locked ….. chevron 7 engaged” every time you start up your car
…your room is decorated like the Gate room including a perfect papier-mâché replica of the gate
…you can’t live without Stargate SG1
…you are set to go on a vacation, your primary concern is do the networks there carry Stargate
…you try to make your own mini gate using house hold appliances
…you try to make your own mini gate using house hold appliances and SUCCEED
…you stand in Teal’c’s “At Ease” position
…your teachers have gotten sick of seeing “Indeed” in your assignments.
…people in general, even those who don’t like you; have started saying ‘Indeed’ because they hear it too much from you.
…you have a habit of shouting “For crying out loud!” when someone does something stupid
…you have written a history of one of the races in SG1 whose history has to be guessed
…you go into withdrawal if you don’t see an episode of Stargate on a daily basis.
…your computer keyboard has the gate symbols instead of the normal letters on it.
…”For cryin’ out loud!” is your trademark phrase
…you can relate ANYTHING to the Stargate
…you get A’s for creative writing all because you write fan fiction based on Stargate SG1
…you’ve seen the movie so many times you know every single moment of it
…you start saying “morning campers”.
…you start babbling like Daniel Jackson
…you get way too technical even on simplest things
…you’ve become a smartass
…you try make a life-size working replica of the gate
…you try to make a life-size working replica of the gate and SUCCEED
…you know a lot about Ancient Egypt just by watching the show
…you know a lot about mythology just by watching the show
…you’re an Ancient Egypt and mythology nut because you’re watching Stargate
…you buy a DVD player only because you want to watch the Stargate DVDs you got shipped to you from overseas.
…you take a photo of Sam into the hair salon for her haircut.
…you wake up in fear one spring morning to what sounds like Goa’uld shrieks outside your window. Then you realize it’s just a nest of baby bluejays calling for food!
…you’re watching TV, and a member of your family says “that guy looks like a ghoul.” They mean a zombie, but you’re looking for someone whose eyes glow and who talks with a vibrating voice.
…people call you “Doc” “Sam” “Daniel” “SpaceMonkey” “Teal’c” “Jack” etc
…you call your friends “Thor” “Ma’chello” “Urgo” “Jack” “Sam” etc
…you call your friends “Thor” “Ma’chello” “Urgo” “Jack” “Sam” etc and you forget/don’t know their real names!
…you start talking like them (‘for cryin’ out loud’, ‘just peachy’, and ‘ya think?’).
…you start taking letters out of your own name and replacing them with a ‘.
…you spend your whole lunch hour checking the Stargate forums and looking for downloads, wondering if you’re carrying a larvae because your stomach grumbles.
…you keep yelling into a fake microphone, “You have a go!” instead of just saying yes.
…you feel the need for a battery of medical tests every time you leave the house and come back.
…your kids keep wondering when you’ll return to the planet Chulak.
…every now and then, you have an uncontrollable urge to contact the Tok’ra and see if anyone will show up.
…you drink a lot of coffee
…you speak fluent Goa’uld
…you can tell which season an episode is from by the color/length of Jack’s hair.
…on a strange impulse while shopping the local Walmart, you buy your significant other a black t-shirt and green fatigue shirt to wear over it. “Oh, honey, come on, put them on for me, please o please. I know you’ll look just yummy in them.”
…not only you, but your two kiddies have made “ya think” a part of daily conversation.
…you’ve finally cajoled hubby/wife/parents into plunking down the extra $15/month for Showtime for “just a month or so”, and it’s now been several. If the topic of dropping it comes up, evasive maneuvers are taken
…you are so ticked off that a ball game preempts your favorite show, and the network plays Stargate at 4:00 the next morning, and you make sure you see it even if you saw the episode four times already!!!
…you name your first 3 kids Jack, Sam, and Daniel and are worried that Teal’c might not be suitable if the next one’s a girl.
…you book your plane tickets to Gatecon and skip around the office all morning ‘cause you’re totally hyped.
…you sit a Physics exam and a question comes up about red shift and the universe expanding, and ponder about it for ages. Suddenly, a spark of inspiration comes to mind and you jot down everything Carter said in “Children Of The Gods”, when Daniel talks about planets drifting apart. And, you get the question right!
…you look up at a cloud and the family says, “That looks like a Goa’uld mothership.” The conversation in the car instantly turns to SG1.
…you set up a home made DHD on your pool deck (if you have a round pool, if not you get one) and paint your pool to look like the Stargate, glyphs and all! Every time you go swimming, you jump in stomach first.
…you decide to join the USAF and ask your General if there is an open position in the SGC.
…you start building model Stargates.
…you pass by an open field and visualize a Stargate at that location.
…you visit Stargate websites.
…you own a Stargate website.
…you’re at the meat section in the grocery store and you notice an ‘eel like’ cut of pork (which I assume you’re supposed to cut into medallions), and you pick it up and pretend it’s a Goa’uld symbiote trying to invade your neck - much to the embarrassment of your teenage son, who is quietly sliding away from you.
…your mom has to send you the mission reports that went up on the SG1 Showtime site so you could follow the episodes while away at camp.
…you go to the museum, hit the Egyptology section, and discuss Goa’uld history with your hubby/wife.
…you call your boss a shol’va.
…you yell KREE at your husband because he doesn’t seem to listen to you.
…you live in region one, but buy a region free DVD player, and all the region two Stargate DVDs.
…you seriously consider getting brown contacts, no hair, a scary tattoo melted into your forehead, and being the leader of a rebellion for your people against a race of false gods
…you have a tattoo of the earth symbol on your ankle.
…you are sitting in lecture and instead of taking notes, you doodle the glyphs from the gate.
…you notice that seagulls look like death gliders when they’re really high up and suddenly feel the need to run for cover.
…you fly out to Vancouver to a convention and room with three friends who you’ve only met on line.
…you’re at a sleepover and won’t let any of your friends go to sleep until they’ve seen at least one episode or agreed that one or more of the characters is cute.
…your friends are fighting, and you shame them by telling them that the Nox wouldn’t like what they are doing.
…you have little Stargates flying above your head whenever you get knocked out
…you think elevators are “such a pain in the ass”
…you greet people with ‘Cumtraya!’ and a clap of your hands.
…you only eat yellow food because you “like the yellow ones.”
…you dress up your car like a MALP.
…your assignments have the gate, SGC or SG1 logo on them
…you wake up to the sound of the Stargate SG1 theme
…you wake up to the sound of the Stargate SG1 theme, even if you’re asleep with the door closed and it’s playing in another room! (I’ve done this!)
…you know the lyrics to the Stargate SG1 theme (yes there ARE lyrics)
…you see anything that even slightly resembles a Stargate and jump through it and pretend you’ve gone to a different planet.
…you and your cousin grab snakes out of the water and pretend they’re gou’alds trying to infest you.
…you have a signed trading card from an SG1 cast member in your wallet
…you suddenly find science interesting after starting to watch Stargate and get better at it, and use quotes from the show on tests, papers, exams, etc.
…whilst using quotes from the show on tests, papers and exams you get better grades!
…you use quotes from the show as part of your daily conversaion
…the SGC/SG1 logo is on the door of your room
…while dialing a phone number on a keypad phone, you press and hold the number, stating “Chevron 1 engaged”, (while the tone’s sounding), then, when you let go (and the tone stops), you say “Chevron 1 locked”.
…when ordering food at a restaurant/fast food outlet/take-away, you always finish with the word “Kree!!” When you get blank looks from the waitress, you follow with, “You heard me. I said Kree!!”
…you make your own Stargate-themed PowerPoint presentation templates
…the last thing you check in the house is that the VCR is set correctly to tape SG1 while you are away.
…you have an urge to kel’no’reem
…you’re standing in front of a cabinet with skulls in it and your 13 year old stepson leans around the corner and whispers ‘don’t look in the eyes’.
…you watch TV programs you’d never seen before because Stargate actors are guest-starring on them.
…you get sudden cravings for blue jello and oatmeal.
…you ever been to a Gatecon
…you ever been to a Gatecon and you live on the other side of the planet
…your casual dress code consists of a black shirt and green pants.
…you spend hours discussing with your hubby/wife what type of aliens your cats are - we’ve decided that the youngest is an Asgard, our oldest is an Ancient and the middle cat is a Goa’uld (she spends so much time sitting on us, we’re convinced she’s waiting for an opportunity to worm her way inside!).
…you seriously consider getting blue contacts, dying your hair blond and cutting it short, and becoming a theoretical astrophysicist.
…you plot to overthrow the system Lords and bring the galaxy under your dominion.
…your history teacher is amazed at how many Egyptian gods you can name, although s/he is slightly bemused by the fact you claim they’re aliens, not gods.
…you buy the season 2 DVDs on Thursday, then finish watching entire 22 episodes by the following Sunday.
…you leaf through books about Ancient Egypt and laugh at the pictures of Osiris, etc., because you know the truth and what they really look like!
…you try and get a Stargate related word into everyday conversations (its a fun game).
…you change your career goal from President to anthropologist.
…your family dinner conversation somehow always revolves around SG-1
…your mother burns her hand cooking dinner, the first thing your father does (after making sure she’s okay) is ask, “Did Urgo make you do it?” To which your mother replied, “He didn’t mean to!” with a quick, “That was not his intention.” coming from you.
…you look at the St. Louis arch and you think, “They should have made it a circle.”
…someone asks you to keep an eye on something and you actually respond with the words, “I shall keep both eyes on it Daniel Jackson.”
…you drive a manual car, you yell “chevron 1 (2,3,4, etc) engaged” every time you switch gears
…’ya think?!’ is a daily part of your conversation
…you get people addicted to Stargate without them having to watch a single episode
…you ask people for their gate coordinates instead of their mailing address
…you drink coffee by entire pots not cups
…your college presentations have the Stargate as a background
…you look at photographs of people and yell “GOA’ULD!” every time you see someone’s eyes glow in the photos
…you have every episode on tape, DVD, and on your computer
…every time you hear a loud alarm/ring you shout “INCOMING TRAVELLER”
…you’re constantly looking for information on whether there really WAS a Stargate discovered at Giza
…you talk like Teal’c
…you kel’no’reem daily
…you make your own Stargate SG1 transcripts
…all your assignments/essays mention Stargate, however briefly
…you put Stargate SG1 quotes in your diary, on your notebooks, and just about anywhere else
…you have a Stargate uniform
…you have a Jaffa Guard uniform
…you think that people who’ve never heard of Stargate SG1 are underprivileged
…you can speak/read Ancient Egyptian
…your cat runs off, you yell “Kree!” after it
…your cat comes back after you yell “Kree!” after it.
…you swear at people in Goa’uld
…you buy Stargate stuff off of eBay
…you talk in a boom-box voice, just for kicks or otherwise.
…your eyes flash when someone annoys you
…you refer to your car as your “Death Glider”
…a “Stargate SG1” mark clearly identifies an item as yours.
…you seriously consider getting brown contacts, silver/brown hair, and being a USAF Special Ops colonel.
…the Stargate theme is your life theme
…you have a corner/wall of your room dedicated to the show, where you hang posters/pictures/screen grabs, etc from the show
.. you can tell what episode, and the dialogue just by looking at a screengrab
…you have a hard time relating to anything that doesn’t mention Stargate.
…you go through Stargate withdrawal if you don’t see an episode of Stargate every 24 hours
…you know written Goa’uld
…you can remember what happened in every episode but have trouble remembering what you did a week ago.
…you try to get implanted with a snake
…you have the Stargate theme as your ring tone
…you make up your own SG1 lyrics
…all your dreams at least MENTION Stargate
…you try making your own working zat’nik’tel
…you try making you own working zat’nik’tel and you SUCCEED
…it’s a nightmare if Stargate isn’t in your dream
…you learn 23 languages just so you can rival Daniel Jackson
…you make your own ‘staff weapon’ and take it with you everywhere you go
…you confuse everything round with a hole with a Stargate
…your books have more Stargate quotes in them that text
…you refuse to play any game unless is has a Stargate Mod for it
…you name your Sims after Stargate SG1 characters
…you refer to your room as the “Gateroom”
…you constantly wonder when the Goa’uld are going to attack Earth
…you seriously consider getting blue contacts, brown hair, being an archeologist/linguist
…you have a pet snake
…you have a pet snake and call it a Goa’uld or Tok’ra symbiote name
…you dress up said snake to look like a Goa’uld or Tok’ra larvae
…the only reason you don’t do good on your exams is because you could not find any relationships between Stargate and said subject
…you make a staff weapon and you’re never seen without it whilst you’re out
…you make a working staff weapon
…you think humans are weird
…you refer to the Earth people as “people of the Tau’ri”
…you ever told someone “you’re an idiot every day of the week, why couldn’t you have just taken the day off”
…you get injured and think “my symbiote will heal me”
…you go to school/work in your home made Stargate SG1 uniform complete with the patches on the shoulders
…you think you have a 138 year old guy in your head who likes to max out your credit cards by eating sundaes
…you actually *do* have a 138 year old guy in your head who likes to max out your credit cards by eating sundaes
…you get a sarcophagus and lie in it whenever you get hurt
…you seriously consider getting brown contacts, brown hair, and being a CMO.
…you call the company who make Polos and suggest they replace the letters POLO with some glyphs and change their tagline from “Polo: The mint with the hole” to “Polo: They’re like little mint Stargates”
…you write lists like these
…you exclaim ”too much Stargate? There’s no such THING as too much Stargate” when you come across this list
…the above is a perfect description of you
i was listening to this song when i came across this gif on my dash and im giggling at how well it’s fitting with it help skdjfksdfsg
(via a-mine-turtle)
Caskets that had been unearthed by the surging Missouri River. The Missouri broke a levee on July 12, 1993, and scoured the cemetery, digging a deep hole and sending caskets bobbing downstream. The flood ruined 793 of the cemetery’s 1,576 graves, and searchers never confirmed recovering about 150 of them.
Photo credit: Jerry Naunheim Jr./Post-Dispatch
Creepy
(Source: malformalady, via iheatherx)
